Talking with Self
by IncompetantDreamer
Summary: This is a collection of debates, between I, the author, and a collection of FF8 Characters. Reviewers Pick Topic and Character of debate.


I want to have a conversaion Folks, and I want to have it with Squall Leonhart.  
  
I played as Squall so much, so terribly much...I felt like his friend, I felt like his lover, and I felt like HIM.  
  
So now I wish to speak with him.  
  
So now as I sit on my computer typing this piece of literature up, I am going to have to let him materialize in my mind.  
  
*The leather clad god of men, is now standing in front of me in my mind.*  
  
Ok, thats done.  
  
Let us move on...  
  
"Hey DUDE....It's you Squall!"  
  
"...Hi..."  
  
"Dude..YOU ARE SO BADASS..I feel so bad for ya man, all these authors have you having a hard time with a T-Rex even though both you and me, know damned well...you could defeat an Army of them without breaking a sweat."  
  
"...Yea..."  
  
"I also hate how people treat you as so vocal, when quite obviously you are Monosyllabic."  
  
"...Thats right..."  
  
"You also, are never given the right type of personality. I see you as the quiet deep, tormented thinker who is the best of philosophers. You dont get justice done to you."  
  
"...Trust me...I know..."  
  
"Also...not to mock higher ups, but you and Rinoa? Shes such a ditz...she needs a fricking blonde wig. God love her, but I just wanna chop her head off...hey speaking of which, can I borrow your gunblade?"  
  
*I am picturing Squall looking at his gunblade...*  
  
"...No..."  
  
"Do I honestly have to act like Zell..?"  
  
"Go ahead..."  
  
*About to do shadow boxing and prance around as if I was on a cocaine trip..but I have a second thought.*  
  
"You could so totally kick Cloud's ass..."  
  
"....Thank GOD...someone had to say it..."  
  
"...though, you and him would make a GREAT Couple...or you and Sephrioth..."  
  
"....I....I am not sure if I am gay..."  
  
*I mentally sigh..*  
  
"Noone ever is man...but it's always in your head isnt it? You may have even found you are Bi-sexual, but it remains in your head, never to be acted upon or revealed to anyone..but it is there, but you just are not sure... you always wondfer 'do lusty thoughts make you gay or curious?'"  
  
"....That is amazing..."  
  
"I know, I suffer the same dillemna. Though that does bring me to a certain point. Most authors have you in homosexual relationships, but then they dont have you being hastled for Public Displays of Affection, when in a world...a REAL World, which face it...other then magical things, Your world is just as real as mine, a gay couple would get at, the worst: Mocked..at the best: Beaten."  
  
"...Certain individuals...are...off-mark in their depictions."  
  
"I know man...I know."  
  
*I mentally step back and forth, trying to find a way to continue the conversation...*  
  
"Well...Dont you think Quistis is SOOOOO Totally more babealicious then Rinoa or Selphie?"  
  
"Definately..."  
  
"Ahh..so the Ice Prince has hormones...exceeeelllent. Hahahaha, I quip,...I quip. Though honestly, Quistis is just as deep-thoughted as You, but she has more openness about it."  
  
"Yea.."  
  
"Man...sheesh...what to talk about...what to talk about...oh yea...Seifer is Badass. I think you and him dont get teamed up enough. Like any time where you have 2 conflicting personalities, it only means the 2 parties are interested in one another, for to be insulted, you first have to be intrigued."  
  
"Yea..Seifer is very gifted with Hyperion..."  
  
"Yea but Lionheart is more ill. Oh well.....do you even have any idea how badly I want to be able to write an ACTUAL fic, instead of these ficlets, such as I am doing right now?"  
  
"No man...I dont..."  
  
"I mean...I look at PuPu's saga and Dark as Rain and all my other favorite stories, and I cannot help but think...'My god..these people are amazing authors.." and alot of the time they are teens just like me. So I dont get it, I believe I am just as talented writing-wise as them..and trust me, I have more then enough of time...so I have come to a conclusion. Motivation. I lack the flame, the fire...the burning passion some do. I...write, because I am bored. I just happen to be good. I also though, have stories running through my head ALL the time. So you see my problem? I want to write the story, but lack the conviction or determination..."  
  
"..that sounds horrid..."  
  
"It is...I have been going to Fanfiction.net for over 2 years. I have read every fic on Buffy or FF8, thats over 40,000 words. EVERY single ONE. I LOVE the fanfic writers here. I Absolutely adore them, I even have some poetry up at Fictionpress.net."  
  
"...your a poet?"  
  
"Of course I am, Now THAT is something I have a true burning lusting passion for. It is my savior, and my ultimate doom. See? People even tell me, my plain talking...comes out as poetic at times? It's astonishing."  
  
"....your coming off as brash and cocky..."  
  
"Perhaps, but its true. I am cocky, I believe I am intelligent, and I never wish to be challegned on a mental level, my physical and actual real-world talent's and abilities, are somewhere in the negative number's. So this is my only escape from reality. My only escape from this harsh existence we know as life..."  
  
"..Your pessemistic..."  
  
*I frown..*  
  
"Yea...so?"  
  
"I like you.."  
  
*Snoopy Dance!*  
  
"Thats wicked, Squall Loenhart! You like me...thats......thats NOT Wicked...thats...thats......THATS WICKEDOCIOUS! Thats what that is! I am so totally wanting to write more of this, and make it one of those 100,000+ word epic's, but I am coming at that brick wall I know as my lack of motivation. My fingernails are also hurting from typing so much so fast, damn...I really do have to clip them. I get bored alot, I probably wont have determination to write so much again..."  
  
"Now, we come back to where we started.."  
  
"Indeed, my friend...indeed."  
  
~*~*~*~*~~*~*  
  
Author's Note/ Almost Journal Entry...intro to Author.  
  
Ya know what?  
  
This is more like a Journal, and thing from my head. I am not following the norms of writing, and having a plot. Who said you have to have a plot?  
  
I am starting a new writing. I shall keep it in this genre..but I am starting something new.  
  
Everyday..I will write..to Squall..and other members of FF8. I will have conversations with them, about happenings in our real world, and the happenings of Final Fantasy 8 World. I will talk with them about Homosexuality, Pedophilia,Religion,Morality, Necrophilia, Magic, Gunblades, Weaponry...and everything in between.  
  
I have found, that I cannot write a Novel or a story...so now I shall begin writing about the thing's in my own head. God help you all.  
  
Oh and seeing as I am still bored, a little info on me for anyone that may actually care.  
  
I am a 16 year old, German-Irish Guy...from Ohio, USA. I am in an ultimate world of depression, I have always been sad my entire life, and will continue to be. I faced that. I have no life. I go to school(Which I have Supremely poor grades in..ya know..that happens when you don't do any of the work.) because if I dont I go to Prison. I come home, listen to my mom yell at me for random thing's. I go to the back of my trailer, boot up my beaten down old Compaq Prosario, log onto my dial-up...and look at fanfiction and Write roleplays for e-fed's, my other passion.....wrestling. I also randomly look at pornography that I shall relieve myself too, and then I chat with people on MSN, who dont like me...and I pass the tmie by being frightened my mom shall find out the ultimate secret of mine. I am Bisexual. Thought it does not really matter, does it? I am 16, and have never been on a date with a boy OR a girl, I have yet to have a kiss of ANY kind from a Boy OR a girl, shit....I have yet to have a social relationship of ANY kind with ANY one. I have been lonely for so long, I have become accustomed to it, ya know? Oh well. I have a bottle of Old Spice deodorant in front of me, with a plate of some cold Tostito's Pizza rolls.  
  
By the way, I am not putting a damn TM or SM, for products. Screw it. If Pepsi or McDonald's or whatever wants to sue a Minor, living in a 2,000 Dollar trailer, with a Mom who is a waitress...then let the sadistic cruel, unfeeling bastards do so. See if I care? You can have my ratty ass TV.  
  
Wanna know something even worse?  
  
Despite my total lack of belief in everything...including religion, I am not a Nihilist. I am not a Anything. I am floating around dead inside person, and then something even more insane...I dont do drugs or alcohol, and I have a perfectly clean Academic and Arrest record. I have never been reprimanded by anyone. On ANYTHING. Because I do nothing. I walk around with my eyes open, but mind closed.  
  
I love reviews, but to be truthful I only want them tio bolster my own self- opinion. Quite seriously, a review would make my week. That is how sad my life is, and thats not some Teenie Girl saying that, about to put an emoticon after it. I am truly saying that. My life really IS that pitiful.I live life in a bigoted household, living in a decrepid trailer, and recently changed homes after a decade of abuse at the hands of a horrible stepfather.  
  
Shit, my Author's note has become longer then my literature almost. I bet FF.net wont even allow this to upload. I wonder if they screen things? Who knows...  
  
I am a Marilyn Manson fan, for what that is worth. Although I am currenlty listening to Nancy Griffith. I also am an avid fan of Dido, Christina Aguilera, Cold, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and a rag-dag crew of other amenity groups.  
  
I dont expect a single review, but I cling to all my hopes for one, so that I might finally have a single scrap of motivation. Ya know what. I am doing this.  
  
I swear by my own soul...if I get a single review, I will write some more. I write as much as I can, and I will even let the person who review's, pick the topic of debate between me and a Final Fantasy Character.  
  
Squall was a little stoic, and I understand I may have to slowly open him up to REALLY Spark interest in my literature but it is all good.  
  
Ok...I am off to.....do...nothing. But this has to end, my finger's hurt badly, I have to find out if I have to use HTML breaks to post this at FF.net and not have it look retarded or not. So here...I go...or not.  
  
I will begin writing the very second, someone reviews. Shit, I will one up ya. Anyone who reviews and picks a topic, I will work it into a debate with a certain character. Oh BY the WAY. Another note...first person to review, decides what the topic AND who I talk about it with. Thats means if you review, you can say "Talk about Led Zepplin with Irvine" or something to that extent.  
  
Alright...my fingernails really hurt, I gotta cut them. I also seriously do have to wrap this thing up.  
  
One last thing though. This was really fun, I will definately do it again. However, if you review, I swear by god-or some deity...within an hour of reading your review, I will be underway with a new addition to this hopefully fine piece of literature.  
  
Im out.  
  
Rock onward!  
  
Esoteric Martyr.  
  
P.S. I love Laguna. He IS Squall's DAD! 


End file.
